Listen, Lady

Listen, lady. I get that you’re super old and afraid of things like broken hips and air, but I was standing IN THE PARK, not on the sidewalk, with my dogs, who were *on leashes*. You weren’t watching where you were going. This was understandable, because the farmers’ market was on, and there are many delectable things in many delectable booths, and there are lots of people, prams, and puppies on the sidewalks (this is why I was on the grass, where the dogs wouldn’t be in peoples’ way). My dogs were standing (Princess Sassypants) and sitting (Bumblebutt) within a foot of me.

Bumblebutt*YOU* tripped over *my* dogs, kicking one of them in the process, then proceeded to stumble, which caused you to punch me in the back. When I turned and caught you, I apologised. “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “Did my dogs trip you?”

“I didn’t see them,” you said. Then you glared at me, spat out some invective about idiots who can’t control their animals, and huffed indignantly.

Now, I’m going to have a good day in spite of your snottiness, but please do let me give you this advice, which I didn’t think would be helpful at the time: look where you’re going. Especially if you’re not walking on a sidewalk. Especially if you’re not always confident on your feet. Especially if YOU ARE AT A CROWDED FARMERS’ MARKET ON A NICE DAY AND VIRTUALLY A THIRD OF THE PEOPLE THERE HAVE DOGS ON LEASHES. MANY OF THOSE DOGS ARE TINY. I mean. I can do a lot to make sure my dogs aren’t bothering people, but turning in a circle and announcing “Peligro! Pequeños perros! Peligro!” in my best carnival barker voice isn’t one of them.




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2 responses to “Listen, Lady”

  1. Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt Avatar

    That woman should be dragged here, forced to read the above and SIGN her name on a paper copy, which she will then read aloud.

    Then, and only then, should she ever be allowed out in public again.


    And I don’t even like dogs.

  2. Der kaptin Avatar
    Der kaptin

    Ruff! Yap yap! Wooof!

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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