My Underage Roommates

Sometimes, you just have to stop thinking of them as your own flesh and blood and start thinking of them as what they really are – your underage roommates. This is how you will begin to understand where we as parents all go wrong. All of us. We forget what it’s like to have to live with Ben.

Take as an example if you will, my underage roommates’ breakfast, or the remains thereof. WITNESS THE CARNAGE THEY HAVE WROUGHT! (Sensitive readers may want to look away.)


My Underage Roommates have gone through their rooms and have decided to give a bunch of their clothes to charity. This is particularly big-hearted of them. Of course, their big-heartedness has taken over the living room. Have you ever just had the urge to stuff your roommate’s head into the toilet and flush?

…me neither…


There are some great perks to having Underage Roommates, you know. For instance, we now have a home security system:


On the other hand, I didn’t know that ham and bologna sandwiches even existed. Seen here, there is also a side of pepperoni stick. I shudder to think about what the computer room is going to smell like when everyone’s been home from work for a couple of hours. Whoof.


Bologna and ham? Who DOES that? It’s like having a turkey with a chicken and a duck stuffed inside. That’s just ludicrous. I mean, if there were ever a case for a Real Life “I Knew An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly”….what’s that? People actually DO eat turkey with chicken and duck stuffed inside?

Sure they do.

Look, if you’re going to be like that, let’s just change the subject, okay?


My Underage Roommates are also pilots. So I totally go wherever I want on vacation for super cheap.


cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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