centre of the universe

Tag: Fitness

  • Three letter word

    Three letter word

    I know that “running” on an elliptical isn’t really running, but I just did about 10k over an hour on the the thing and the last time I did any physical activity that made me pant and sweat like that for an hour, I think I was in labour. Or maybe it was whatever happened…

  • Conversations at work

    “AH, Jig-A-Loo(TM), how I’ve missed you.” “It’s been a long time since you’ve addressed Jig-A-Loo(TM).” “Yes. The elliptical machine I use at the gym is starting to sound like a constipated elephant. Completely unrelated to my use of said machine, of course.” “Of course.” “It could probably use some Jig-A-Loo(TM), is what I’m saying.” “Understood.…

  • Trap, Sir!

    This morning, not fifteen minutes hence, I found myself entirely unable to undress myself. To wit: I was stuck inside my shirt. In order to contain my glorious and magnificent love mounds (and thereby prevent injury to myself and others), I wear a sports brassiere that is unholy tight and a shirt which is, quite…