Things Fall Apart

Sometimes things go crazy.

I have three friends who are struggling right now with the shite that piles up when kids do stupid things and make really bad bloody decisions. Bad decisions that can put their families in danger and that are tearing their parents up. And of course I’m terrified that these are some of the things we’re in store for in another five or six years. Never assume, right?

I wish I could fix things for you. I wish I could talk sense into your kids and show them what their decisions are doing to their families, but I can’t. No one can. The only person who can do that is the kid himself. And they have to go through hell – real hell – before they’re willing/able to see it.

You’ve raised these kids up from the day they were born; you’ve loved them and cared for them and you’ve given every part of yourself for them. And you think…how can you *not* think…”how can they do this to me?” Because you know what? It isn’t fair. It really really isn’t fair. All you want to do is love them and show them how to be good people, how to be happy, how to work hard and enjoy working hard for everything they deserve…and more than just not listening to you, they turn their backs on you and bury your gifts almost before you can offer them.

So I want you to know: it breaks my heart. Because I can see how awesome these kids could be, have been, will be again. And I can see what they’re doing to you, and to your family. And I want to hold them, like I do my own, and I want to hold you, and I wish that would make it better. But that doesn’t even happen in the Star Trek universe, and EVERYTHING works out in the Star Trek universe; even if you happen to meet someone who looks just like you except for a van dyke and they’re evil. Even if tribbles get in the grain. EVEN if the android loses control of itself because of an untested emotion chip. It ALWAYS works out in the Star Trek universe. But I can’t fix this. Gene Roddenberry can’t fix this. You can’t even fix this.

Dear God, I wish I could do more.





4 responses to “Things Fall Apart”

  1. cottonwoowdgal Avatar

    From one mother with a beloved child who is still going through that “real hell”….I can say with certainty that by caring about their pain and listening to their fears you are doing a lot.

    As someone once told me – “Not everyone has to walk the same path in life.” I know that many people have walked similar paths and have found their happiness and serenity at the end of that walk. I cling to that thought at times when I can’t help but worry about my child’s future.

    I pray that your friends find their way.

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      This is not the way things should be.

      I keep thinking, if *I* feel this helpless, what kind of special hell must you be going through?

      As always, if there’s anything I can do, let me know.

  2. cottonwoodgal Avatar

    One of the other things I have learned is that parents need to get help when their child’s life falls apart. The stronger I am the more I can be there for my kid when he finally figures out his life. Thank goodness there are caring friends and other resources out there for struggling parents!

    As for you….keep writing….you make me giggle, you make me cry, and you make me think. What a wonderful way to spend some time!

  3. Arnisador Avatar

    I’ve always subscribed to “the beatings will continue until morale improves” methodology :)

    I keed. I keed. Well, maybe only just a little.

    My kidlings have survived, but I think what may have helped them was to see what happened to the foster child we had with us that chose to cross me and then realizing that life here really isn’t all that bad.

    Damn but its stressful having to play that worry game.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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