They won’t possibly do it as well as I would, if I had the skills, the money, the lackeys, and the knowledge.

With one, or possibly two, notable exceptions, there is a very, *very* easy way to ensure that nobody else in Canada dies or suffers as a result of injuries they received during arrest by police or RCMP. But here’s the thing. The media doesn’t want you to know about this. Politicians don’t want you to know about this. I’m sure the police themselves would LOVE for you to know about this, because it would make their jobs an awful lot easier, but it’s been kept under wraps for decades now.

And I’m not talking about instances where the police and/or RCMP actually were out of hand, like in the Robert Dziekański tragedy or the Bee Ess perpetrated at the recent G20 conferences. I’m talking about when the police do their jobs the way they’re supposed to; the way they’re trained to, without prejudice and when they follow procedures and guidelines that are there for a Very Good Reason. I won’t be naïve enough to say that sometimes, people in positions of authority do bad things. And I won’t be naïve enough not to say that sometimes, people in positions of authority have to use force.

But here’s the thing. And I’m probably going to get in trouble for talking about this…

If you don’t do illegal things, then the police will not arrest you. This all kind of boils down to the ‘be nice to one another’ thing, really. Don’t be a douche, and you won’t get pepper sprayed, handcuffed, manhandled, spindled, or mutilated. It’s also very anti-common-sense. I realise this. Most of the time, we walk down the street and think, “you know, I bet smashing these windows out with an axe would be perfectly cool!” and “if I punch him/her *just a little bit*, no one will be the wiser…”

But I’ll tell you; if you don’t do those things, there is a *very good chance* you will not be arrested. Which greatly reduces your chances of being injured during arrest.

Because here’s the deal: paramilitary operations like the police and the RCMP and the people who work in school libraries to make sure you’re supposed to be there and aren’t skipping English to hang out in the library reading books about the holocaust all receive special training. They are trained to incapacitate people who are posing a threat to themselves or others. Or to their permanent academic records, apparently.

It is a sad, sad state of affairs that we actually need to hire people to keep us safe from ourselves. I mean, if you really think about it, the heights to which being an arsehole can go is surpassed only by people’s willingness to try to get higher on the arsehole to human scale. Sure, there are underlying issues that contribute to arseholery, like addiction, poverty, mental illness, fear, and hopelessness. But there really are some people who seem to think that life is a race to see who can devolve the fastest.

If you’re one of those people, this advice probably won’t help you anyway. But. Just thought I’d put that PSA out there. Don’t be a cocknobbler, and you won’t get injured during arrest, because you won’t be getting arrested.






5 responses to “They won’t possibly do it as well as I would, if I had the skills, the money, the lackeys, and the knowledge.”

  1. Shawn Heslip Avatar
    Shawn Heslip

    This is just silly!Innocent people get arrested all the time!Unjust laws exist!(Drug War?)really do I need to go on?There are more than one or two exceptions.I think you are being naive.Shawn

    1. cenobyte Avatar


      But I’m saying this stuff tongue-in-cheek; maybe that didn’t come across in the translation. For the record, none of the people I know, or know of, have ever been arrested for sitting nicely on a park bench eating a sandwich. Of the people I know who’ve been arrested (myself included), they were doing something that was disruptive.

      That being said, I *was* trying to make the point that “all things being equal,” blah blah blah. I know that people make mistakes, even the police, and I know that people are wrongfully arrested and even convicted. But what I’m really getting at here isn’t that there are mistakes made by police and RCMP. What I’m saying is that if you ARE being disruptive and if you ARE doing something illegal and if you DO get arrested because you ARE doing something illegal, whining about the police putting you in handcuffs is pretty stupid.

      Thanks for the comment! And for visiting the centre of the universe!

  2. Stephanie Avatar

    It’s funny how many times I have thought that and never actually said it. I know someone who had his arm broken by police and still gets belligerent about it but if asked HOW it happened, tells a story of drunken hooliganism filled with “man you shoulda seen it, it was a GREAT party, we trashed the place!” and how he punched out the cop who tried to stop him from beating the hell out of another guy. This led to him being chased down a street and resisting the cops when they tried to arrest him. During the fight, his arm was broken, probably when he fell on it while being forced to the ground. The poor guy he was beating up ended up with far worse injuries and yet he complains all the time about how he got “Rodney Kinged” by the Man. Somehow he feels that it was okay for him to beat a guy senseless for disrespecting him but can’t see how it was his own fault his arm got broken.

  3. Smarty Pants Avatar
    Smarty Pants

    I hear what you’re saying and agree with you for the most part…yet I think there is danger in complete docility (is that a word?) with authority.

    Why is there such little crime in Germany?
    Because it’s illegal.

    And look what happened there in the 30’s.

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      I didn’t say anything about being *docile*.

      I said don’t do illegal shit.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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