“Wouldn’t it be cool,” The Captain said just now, before going to school for his last day of fifth grade,”if we could cross-breed insects and arthropods and then control them? Then we could cross a tick with a mosquito with an Alaskan King Crab and have this crazy huge armoured flying thing with enormous pincers and eye-stalks with compound eyes on them. And if we controlled them, we’d win ALL the wars, because if you see that coming at you through the sky, what’re you going to do? Seriously, what would you do if you saw that coming at you out of the sky?”

And this, dear reader, is why it’s important to stay in school. Because damnit if that kid isn’t right. What the hell *would* you do if you saw an armour-plated, bloodsucking….thing with huge pincers flying at you in swarms of millions or more? It’s a new kind of biological warfare.

I…I think I’ve raised a certified Evil Genius. I’m so proud!

cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.


  1. I would spread the spores of entomopathogenic fungi. Then the evil arthropod/arachnid monsters would become fuzzy looking ― laughably so ― and die.

    The Captain, being clever, will surely find a way around this, but it will take him time.

    While he is doing so, remind him that two can play this game and he should prepare for the amphibious assault of the amphibian/cephalopod creatures who jump out suddenly and blind you with a jet of ink before using their multiple tentacle-tongues to jerk you into their giant beaked mouth and drag you under the water.

    If The Captain wants to work together, though, I’m sure we could arrange something. ::grin::

    1. He says, “I’m thinking about ticks and mosquitoes; they mate and that makes flying ticks and then I make the flying ticks mate with poisonous spiders and the creation will be flying ticks that are poisonous. It will eat fungi and will be a carnivore.”

      But The Captain is totally enthusiastic about working with you as an Evil Genius team.

      Go, Team Evil Genius!

      1. “Oh. And! Then the flying poisonous tick-spiders mate with scorpions and get stingers!”

        There is something WRONG with this child. I’m so proud.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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