It’s like there’s a different word for everything

What’s that word for “I think I touched your boob completely inadvertently; I meant to give you a good ol’ chuck on the shoulder”? I’m sure there is one. There has to be. There has to be a word for that in German. Or, you know, Esperanto or whatever.

newbraBecause as we all know, the proper reply to that word is whatever word it is that means “no, no. You didn’t touch my boob at all. You actually touched part of my arm; it only felt like my boob because you’re wearing mittens and I’m wearing a coat because it’s winter and our ancestors were fucking morons who decided that living in this godforsaken frozen wasteland was better than being starved to death by the colonial British.”

Which is of course immediately followed by both involved parties looking Elsewhere, pointedly, until some other topic of conversation covers the fact that your boob was, in fact, touched or lightly brushed, or possibly punched, and that you have no hard feelings because it’s pretty much impossible to be within five feet of anyone without your boobs touching some part of their person because your chest is the size of a Yugo, which may be small for a car but it’s big for a bosom.

Asking for a friend.

cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.


  1. There has to be a word for that in German.

    Nah, it’d be in French.
    And it’d carry the connotation “Of course I meant to touch your boobs. They are completely irresistible.”

  2. Shlanpoofa* is the word you want.

    * – Totally made up word, but sounds vaguely Germanic, and is available for your use.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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