I Will Never Be

Closer to thee, closer to thee…

I don’t know if you know this about me, but I always wanted to be a singer. I used to come home for lunch at school, and I was a latch-key kid, so I was the only person home, and I would pretend there was a singing contest and I was the unpopular dweeb who didn’t want to enter because she didn’t want to be embarrassed and then one of the judges heard her singing as she cleaned chalkbrushes and offered her a recording contract and eventually I became famous, and only slightly bitter about all the jerkfaces who’d terrorised me in school. So really, I played “Janis Joplin” a lot.

Anyway, I was not blessed with Perfect Pitch like my friend the long-suffering Sarah, and I was not blessed with a rich, soul-shaking baritone voice like my cousin AJ (and my uncle Al). And I was not blessed with voice lessons or church choir. So I did not become a famous singer.

But in my fantasies, I sing like Annie Lennox:

Or Cyndi Lauper:

Or k.d. lang:

And of course, I’ll never be Stan Rogers

So yeah. There’s one of my secrets, revealed. Not that I’ll never be Annie Lennox, Cyndi Lauper, kd lang, or Stan Rogers, but that I always wanted to be a singer. I always wanted to be the person that people said, ‘you sing well’ about. I don’t think I’m that person. But it doesn’t stop me from singing. For good or for bad.

cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.


  1. I have always been of the “sing as if no-one’s listening” school of thought. Especially since, for me, within seconds… no-one is.

  2. tell you what. Next time we get together, we’ll croon out Barrett’s Privateers, the Idiot and Rise Again. ANd I promise I’ll only giggle a little at the double entendres in Rise Again :)

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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