In the ongoing series of things I learn every day, this post is the ‘what I learned last night’ flagship. It’s important to learn something every day. My fifth grade teacher said that every time we learn something, a new wrinkle forms in our brains. I spent the summer between fifth and sixth grades reading every book of classic literature, mathematics, and science that I could find in our small town library, and tried very hard to listen for or feel the wrinkles forming in my brain.

I was a gullible child.

Anyhow, last night I learned, in no particular order: people who believe in superstition have just as much of a tendency to be proselytising windbags as people who don’t believe in superstition;

Dave has an enormous wang, according to modern doctors’ standards;

Coyote doesn’t like it when men stroke his jibblies;

MrGod2U can sleep anywhere;

The Qu’Appelle Valley talks to you when there’s no one about and the sun is setting over the hills and the wind is clattering the dry grass around you and the birds and the deer and the raccoons think you’re just some weird sculpture. It says “stay. Stay and let me hold you.”;

I’m not ready;

People who agree with someone’s opinion because they want that person to think highly of them are just kind of sad;

The Golden Prince REALLY enjoys taping. I surmise he was ill the day they took taping in kindergarten and is trying to make up for lost time;

It’s totally possible for a kid to dislocate his shoulder by landing wrong in a tackle. I DID NOT DO IT WRONG, CHRIS GREEN. YOU JUST HAVE TENDER LITTLE CONNECTIVE TISSUE AND YOU LANDED STUPID. My guilt is assuaged.;

Sometimes my need is so great it seems like the entire universe cannot fill it. And then I need to get the hell over myself.;

Coloured hallowe’en hairspray is horrible stuff;

I have a tendency to get WAY too invested in situations that don’t involve me;

Sometimes a crowded room is just a crowded room;

Sometimes it’s really, really hard to laugh;

I’m very good at rhetorical questions (answering them);

Dave’s new glasses are awesome;

Ravens bring messages from the dead;

Your father’s voice always sounds too far away on the telephone;

It’s better to bitch at minor sports coaches AFTER THE GAME, and not from the bleachers;

Summer is over.

cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.


  1. Rubbing ROUGHLY is the issue. Y’know, if a guy did it right, I probably wouldn’t mind. It was the rough part that really sucked.

    And you forgot about keeping the Uzbeks away from your battery acid!

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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