Ask

 There’s this thing called “AMA”, which is short for both “Against Medical Advice” and “Ask Me Anything”*. I think both apply equally, 90% of the time. So, since I am in the process of trying to fixy things on my blog, I figured an “AMA” post might be kind of fun.

So go ahead! Ask Me Anything! No question too big, no question too small. Answers 100% guaranteed! No money up front! No financing charges! Now with 40% fewer beetle parts! Also, if you’d prefer a private ask-answer, I can do that (as long as I know your email address or Twitter DM).

I realize most of the people who do AMAs are, like, super famous or whatever. I also think that the purpose of social media (including blogs) is to actually increase and foster your social circle. So while I’m not famous, I do love to hear from you and think answering questions is fun.


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27 responses to “Ask”

  1. melistress Avatar

    How do you get spaghetti stains out of underwear?

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      I don’t. I just add some grass stains and tell folks my undies are hand-painted.

  2. melistress Avatar

    I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      Yes.
      Burnt Jesus pancakes are a sign of possession.

  3. melistress Avatar

    Does looking at a picture of the sun hurt your eyes?

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      Depends on how close you hold the picture to your eyeball, I guess. And whether the picture is on fire. And whether the picture is on fire on the end of an eyeball-piercing stick.

      1. melistress Avatar

        You’ve been very helpful! Thanks!

        1. cenobyte Avatar

          I do what I can!

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      Reasons. But usually, because why not?

  4. Jennnnnn Avatar

    What is the best way to cook a whole badly freezer burnt chicken?

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      Brine it in a brine bag. It will be moist and tender and probably won’t taste like arse hair.

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      I will overlook the gross predicate negligence in that question and answer: you’ll do fine. You really will. You’ve got this one.

  5. James Avatar
    James

    Is AMA the most overused acronym?

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      “LOL” is the most overused acronym, after the acronymization of anything with “Of The United States” at the end (SCOTUS, POTUS).

      “AMA” is the 27th most overused acronym.

  6. Jennnnnn Avatar

    When can I come over and play again?

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      Whenever you’d like to!

  7. Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt Avatar

    Here you go: is it okay to buck the trends in self-publishing, and do your own thing? (Hint: I’m going to anyway, but could use some validation.)

    I DON’T write genre fiction – I don’t want to use their marketing techniques because they are not me, and are not my book (though some of my best friends are now genre-fiction writers, and I love them so!).

    The ONLY way I’m going to stand out IS to be completely different – and if I don’t stand out, since I can’t compete, I will sink like a stone.

    Just PLEASE tell me it’s okay with at least one person in the universe.

    Alicia

    PS Private answer, please!

    abehrhardt {at} gmail

    Okay, what the heck. Make it public.

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      Short answer for public consumption: I’m not sure there ARE any trends in self-publishing, but if there are, they are probably trends because they work. That certainly doesn’t mean you can’t set new trends! Buck away, sister!

      1. DerKaptin Avatar
        DerKaptin

        it is one of the self-mythologyzing conceits of self-publishers that they are “bucking the trend” when in fact publishing selfies ARE the trend. Just do it.

        My question is what’s the difference between a duck?

        1. Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt Avatar

          Webbed feet, of course.

          And trends usually have more than one person in them.

        2. cenobyte Avatar

          There is no difference between a duck; ducks are a peaceful nation.

  8. Jesse Baron Avatar
    Jesse Baron

    My job requires me to write a lot of emails, both to women and men. Lately, I have noticed that, my exclamation point : period ratio is far higher when I write to women than to men. Of course I want to be a good progressive citizen, so is this a problem? Autobiographical side-note–I got called sexist on Twitter earlier this summer and it still stings. And a follow-up: if I need to course-correct my end-punctuation habits, in which direction should I lean? More periods for women, or more exclamation points for men?

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      Frankly, Jesse, women have enough periods. Stick with being super excited about chatting up the ladies and circumspect with the gents.

  9. yinkabeinghimself Avatar

    Hello! My question has to do with Canada: So, I’ve always wondered, why are most Canadian cities abbreviated beginning with the letter ‘Y’ – YQR, YEG, YYC … ‘Y’ feels like such a boring alphabet. Do you have any insight into this quagmire that frankly keeps me up at night?

    1. cenobyte Avatar

      Good question! It’s because up until about 1976, Canada was referred to by Americans as “yonder”. Anytime someone says “over yonder”, they actually mean Canada!!! So, when weather stations (whence came aeroport codes) started naming themselves with two-letter codes, all Canadian stations were prefaced with a Y, for “Yonder”!

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