12 May 2014 by

Why I don’t watch network television

1 comment

Categories: When There's Weather

Retro/Vintage TV by meltingdog on stock xchng: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/meltingdog

Retro/Vintage TV by meltingdog on stock xchng: http://www.freeimages.com/profile/meltingdog

Here is my summary of network television programming: Angular dude with plastic skin 1 tells angular dude with plastic skin 2 that something has happened. Dude with engineered stubble reacts, but tries to hide his reaction. A woman walks in. One of the dudes notices. The woman announces some things, then leaves. A dude leaves.

Now the dudes are in a car. They are talking about a woman. Things not related to women happen. This is work.

The plot tries very hard to thicken, but someone has forgot to add flour, so it’s really just kind of simmering fat with some bouillon or stock added.

Angular dude with plastic skin 1 reveals something that is intended to elicit a sympathetic response from the audience.

A woman walks in. The woman announces some things, pours a drink, then leaves. A dude enters with a different woman. They are familiar because they are made of plastic.

Angular dude with plastic skin 2 has self-doubt. Then he overcomes it. Because he is white.

Sometimes this is intended to be funny. Other times the story is dramatic. Yet other times it is billed as “non-fiction”. But it is the same story.

cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and Twitter addict from Saskatchewan, Canada.

One Response to Why I don’t watch network television

  1. Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt

    You’ve got it backward. You are watching the commercials and muting the show. Try it the other way around. If it still doesn’t work, well, that’s life.

    Of course TV makes sense. Demons are real. Teenage girls who kill them are real. Comedians who tell bad jokes – them, too.

    OTOH, there’s a secret handshake and a special club for those of us who find the idiot box, well, idiotic. Most of the time. It’s good for when my brain refuses to kick on.

i make squee noises when you leave comments.

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