Why there isn’t an Iron Chef Canada

Iron Chef Benoit is now plating his poutine, and over in the challenger’s corner, Edna Mae has already plated her poutine and is moving on to the beer course. That’s one bottle of beer from Edna Mae whose restaurant in Smuts, Saskatchewan, has been drawing crowds from as far away as Lac Pelletier. Back to Iron Chef Benoit; he’s moved on to his beer course and is now plating the bacon.

The bacon is down, chef Edna Mae just frying hers now. No microwaved bacon for challenger chef Edna Mae! And there’s a sauce! The sauce being plated here is Maple Syrup. Maple Syrup, plated with bacon in challenger Edna Mae’s corner.

And it looks like Iron Chef Benoit is making some kind of dumpling…made with potato and bacon and cheese…it’s Pergoies!!! Perogies in Iron Chef Benoit’s kitchen!

“Varenyky”

What’s that, Iron Chef?

“Varenyky, it’s Varenyky, not perogy.”

Okay, it’s Varenyky, not perogies. I’m….not sure what the difference is, but we’ll go with what Iron Chef says. Oh, and back to Edna Mae! She’s making her own var..var…

“Perogies, it’s okay. Perogies is fine. And Kovbasa!”

Kovba….right, she’s making dumplings and sausage! This is going to be great! Back to Iron Chef Benoit…he’s…pouring beer! Into glasses!

“Glasses, Chad?”

Yes! Glasses! Iron Chef Benoit is pouring beer into glasses!

“Weird.”

Challenger Edna Mae is on to dessert! She’s unwrapping…an ICE CREAM SANDWICH!

“Oooh.”

Yes! Ice Cream Sandwiches! And Back to Iron Chef Benoit…um…what *is* that?

“creme brulee”

Okay, so Iron Chef Benoit is making something REALLY WEIRD for the dessert course that doesn’t involve ice cream sandwiches…

“tu est une idiote.”

Right! Iron Chef Benoit is making some kind of French course….

“Idiote! IDIOTE! Tu est une idiote!”

Oh dear. Um. Iron Chef Benoit is finished, I guess. Er. Well, he’s leaving…um…okay, well, it looks like challenger Edna Mae is going to be the winner by acclamation…yeah…he’s still yelling something about the dish he was just working on…

“IDIOTE!!!”

I wish I knew what that was…um. Well, tune in next week when Iron Chef Urban Peasant takes on Wok With Chan! And at the end of the month, Rick Mercer cooks hot dogs!

***

And this is why there will never be an Iron Chef Canada.

  3 comments for “Why there isn’t an Iron Chef Canada

  1. Arnisador
    22 March 2010 at 8:09 am

    I think you meant, Wok With Yan. Ahh, the memories of the new apron puns still bring wry smiles to my face.

    Wok goes up, must come down.

  2. YNWP
    22 March 2010 at 12:02 pm

    My understanding is that varenky are boiled and then fried (mmm…fried) while perogies are only boiled…either way, carbolicious.

  3. 22 March 2010 at 12:11 pm

    YES!

    Wok With Yan! It’s been, like, almost twenty years since I saw the show…you can’t blame me for using a blend rather than a liquid…

    And I’m sure Edna Mae understands the difference, but would have been hard pressed to explain it while making them…and Iron Chef Benoit just had no desire to explain it to the idiots.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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