I am entirely out of ideas of what to write for this blog. In fact, since you’re a captive audience, I will also tell you that my other writing is languishing as well. No, no. I don’t much want any pity. I’m just trying to explain what follows.
There are *suggestions* on the Internets. Suggestions about what you can post on your blog to increase your traffic, to sell more product, to collect more immigrants, and to make your dog love you. I don’t actually know about those last two, but it wouldn’t surprise me. One of the things one of the suggestors suggests is a list.
Now, to me this sounds about as interesting as scraping all the “scrady” off of a piece of burnt toast. (“Scrady”, if you don’t already know (and if you don’t already know, you ought to be ashamed, because it is one of the six best words ever invented), means “the black/burny bits”. This word was invented by Smarty Pants’ daughter, who is brilliant. I have blatantly and unashamedly stolen it from her and have used this word WITH RECKLESS ABANDON ever since she introduced it to me. I’m a thieving thief.) I am not usually fond of lists. I am even less fond of rating things. My “rating scale” for “things” goes like this usually: “AWESOME!”, “cool”, “okay”, “meh”, and “TOTAL SHITE!”. I’m *all about the adjectives*.
But WHATEVER. If the Internet says something will work, then you have to believe it. It’s in the contract you signed the first time you googled. Therefore, here is my list of Top [nouns] that [verb phrase]:
1) Puppies and dogs
2) Orange juice
3) Vibrating beds
4) control hose
5) things that make a non-annoying ‘click’ sound
7) Folks who walk by
8) Folks who don’t walk by