The Things That He’s done

With all due respect to Chuck Norris, there’s just not enough Canadian Content in the list of his accomplishments. But here’s the deal; Canadians are far more understated than Yankees. So if there *were* a Canadian who Did Stuff, it would be Very Different from the Stuff Chuck Norris has done. This is the kind of stuff a Badass Canuck might do:

Jack Layton once ordered poutine. In an English restaurant.

Jack Layton went to a clandestine massage parlour. When he left, they were unionised.

There are no attack ads coming from Jack Layton because Jack Layton spends that budget on health care.

Steven Harper’s ads don’t attack Jack Layton because Harper’s team cannot spell ‘irascible’.

Jack Layton once watched Chuck Norris roundhouse kick a beaver.

When Gilles Duceppe asked Jack Layton what the NDP cultural policy was, Jack Layton answered in French.

Jack Layton met with some farmers, and they offered him milk, straight from the cow. And he drank it. Warm.

Jack Layton is so cool, he is Canada’s main defense against global warming.

Igloos were designed based on the shape of Jack Layton’s head.

Jack Layton’s mother makes his ties.

Jack Layton’s father was a Conservative MP. This proves the theory that the NDP are more fully evolved.

Canadian scientists ask Jack Layton for his opinion on their findings.

Jack Layton has been a ring-bearer at every gay marriage in the country.

Hippies see Jack Layton’s face in their toast.

When dogs howl, they’re saying “Jack Layton” in dog language.

Reader Submitted

Jack Layton may not be able to divide by zero, but you can divide contempt of parliment by his moustache. [Silent Winged Coyote]

Jack Layton once used a Narwhal to win a game of billiards.

Jack Layton has three robot doubles built by A.V. Roe Canada.

Jack Layton’s blood type is Maple Syrup Positive.

Jack Layton knows where Saskatchewan keeps their tree. [Uncommoner]



cenobyte
cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.

8 Comments

  1. I love you. You almost have me convinced to vote NDP. And I would if I thought they had a hope in hell of winning in my riding. Unfortunately I think Useless Yelich will take it again. Sigh…if only I knew what the layout looked like in the polls for my riding. I was a little late on the draw there.

  2. I’m not a natural dipper, but I can’t resist:

    Jack Layton once used a Narwhal to win a game of billiards.

    Jack Layton has three robot doubles built by A.V. Roe Canada.

    Jack Layton’s blood type is Maple Syrup Positive.

    Jack Layton knows where Saskatchewan keeps their tree.

  3. the tree is called Yggdrasil, and it’s not the most comfortable place to spend nine days. gonna smite my travel agent.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

Optimization WordPress Plugins & Solutions by W3 EDGE
%d bloggers like this: