Sage Words of Advice

“I really really wish that it wasn’t just expected that boys are supposed to ask girls out on a date. Because all of the guys I know are super shy and are terrified of asking girls out on a date. I mean, girls are pretty comfortable telling people that they like someone.

“Most of the guys really like someone, but they don’t want to say anything because they’re scared the girls aren’t going to like them back. You know,I find that every guy I know is so shy; even when it comes to asking girls to help with homework assignments. They think the girl will think that the boy likes them, and 1) if it’s the girl they have a big crush on, she’ll just get grossed out over it, or 2) if it’s not the girl they have a big crush on, they don’t want to disappoint them by having so say ‘I’m sorry, I don’t have a big crush on you’.

“We just don’t have the guts to ask a girl out.

“With everything I’ve heard so far, they all say that the girls expect the guys to ask them out and it won’t be the other way around. The girls think it’ll be like those romantic movies, and they just tell you that the guys have to ask girls out. And the only guy who’s going to ask a girl out in our grade is the dude who’s a total showoff, and none of the girls like him.”

Sage advice from a twelve-year-old.

My rebuttal:

Please note the following passage from the Girls’ Secret Handbook:

If you like a boy, you must never reveal to him that you like him, because then he will either assume you are a creature of loose morals, and therefore he will not want to pursue a relationship with you (for who wants a partner of ill repute?), or he will assume you are teasing him, and will be offended at your attempt to manipulate his emotions. No, it is best to remain taciturn and allow yourself to be pursued. Males prefer to take a more active role in the courtship ritual, and therefore, we can assume this is their preference.

Now I know that entire swaths of the Secret Girl Handbook are somewhat, shall we say, out of date…however, this passage has been retained in the new editions of the Handbook. And, according to the Secret Boy Handbook, this information is bogus. Therefore, young women, please do not be afraid to express yourselves with the young men. Chances are good they are just trying to make you happy.

Young men, there is a good chance that the advice you are getting is based on outdated information.

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  10 comments for “Sage Words of Advice

  1. mrgod2u
    22 November 2011 at 8:57 am

    I thought that the girl that punched you was the one that liked you…

    My wisdom to share (to younger men) is this: Accept that the worst thing that a girl can say is “no” and that her saying “no” is not a reflection of you, but of her poor taste. Once you understand this, women/girls are no longer scary.

    • 22 November 2011 at 9:04 am

      Good advice. And said advice has already been given. However, the fear of rejection is stronger than one might remember in some of these lads. As is the fear that she might say ‘yes’, and then there’s a whole other dynamic one has to muddle through.

      It’s not that the girls themselves are scary, I have on good authority; it is that you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don’t. That is to say, if you tell a girl she you like her and she rejects you, your feelings get hurt. And if you tell a girl you like her and she *doesn’t* reject you, you don’t know what to do. AND if a girl you like tells you she likes you, you’re under all this pressure to DO something about it, and if a girl you *don’t* like tells you she likes you, you have to come up with a very kind way of telling her that you think she’s lovely, but that you’re not romantically interested, without hurting her feelings.

      GOOD GOD that’s a lot of stuff.

      This is the REAL reason we get married. It’s so that we don’t have to do this stuff again.

  2. Shannon
    22 November 2011 at 8:58 am

    May I repost this on the ConsentFEST effbook page?

    • 22 November 2011 at 9:00 am

      You may post a link to it, but please don’t reproduce the entire post on the effbook page.

  3. 22 November 2011 at 9:56 am

    Perhaps I’m strange. No, I’m strange. But I also had a great mom who gave me some very good advice when it came to the girls and the relationships, and the funkiness and the strange wiggly feelings that happened down in your stomach, and other places.

    So to pass on this advice, same thing I told my own (once) twelve year old, it goes something like this. If it feels weird, and you’re uncomfortable with it, maybe you’re not ready to do it yet. There will be plenty of time to find the fun of dating and romance, and various body parts interacting. So relax, focus on the things that don’t feel weird, and eventually you’ll be ready to ask out that special someone and it will be far more enjoyable than doing it before you’re prepared.

  4. Wade
    22 November 2011 at 10:01 am

    I totally understand how the young boys feel, because I still feel that way as an adult. ;)

    Thus, my approach generally seems to have been to tease the hell out of the ladies, and be kinda mean, and eventually they’ll just kiss me. Now, this seems like a really bad approach, but it has worked several times before, so who am I to judge? :P

    Perhaps not good advice to pass on to younger generations though…

    • mrgod2u
      22 November 2011 at 10:27 am

      “be a jerk, they get all the chicks…”

      Sad, but true enough…

  5. Wade
    22 November 2011 at 10:32 am

    I would hardly say *all* the chicks by any means… ;)

    Heh, but I do think there is a difference between the “Why is he so mean to me?” “Because he likes you!” type of interactions and the more classical jerk modes of behaviour.

  6. DesB
    22 November 2011 at 3:32 pm

    I feel like the Captain could have given some great advice to 12 year old me.

    • 23 November 2011 at 3:05 pm

      He might even be able to give some great advice to 20-something you.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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