Ruminations

How much more obvious does it have to be that there’s something effing wrong with your utilities and services than when your water is on fire? (And just in case you missed the link on the right-hand column of that page, I’ve provided a second link that explains the pictures of Frozen Dead Guy Days.) Seriously. Can you imagine calling the utility company’s customer service line? After you get through the automated directory, you tell a mechanical-sounding voice:
“Uh yes, hello. Fire is coming out of my sink.”
“…I’m sorry?”
“Is this the customer service representative for My Utilities Company?”
“Yes…”
“Right. Fire is coming out of my sink.”
“…uhhhmmmm….”
“Yes, you know, we thought it was rather odd too, particularly when we try to wash our hands or shower; it just doesn’t end well so we’ve been showering at the truck stop up the street. It’s only a quarter for a sudsy pre-wash, and for a dollar, you get the soap, the rinse, AND the undercarriage spray.”
“…I…beg your pardon?”
“Quite handy for making flambé, of course.”
“I’m sorry, did you say there is *fire* coming out of your taps?”
“Mmmm. Yes. Also handy for freaking the hell out of my mother-in-law. Not so handy when the kids are thirsty. I’m wondering if you could send someone out?”

Fire-breathing taps has to be just about the worst thing you could have installed in your house, with the exception of cupboard clowns.

Also, I *need* you to read The Bloggess. Because The Bloggess writes like I think. Now you know.