Post-graduate paper

EssayThis morning, #TheTeen and I got into a bit of a tiff. Mornings are chaotic, and as much as I have really enjoyed #TheTeen’s company this summer, when school starts up again and we’re under pressure, something eventually has to give. Here’s some background, although actually, the deets aren’t all that important. In fact, the deets don’t really matter so I’m not going to bore you with them.

The point is, it resulted in me screaming at #TheTeen for about fifteen minutes, over something that really oughtn’t be scream-worthy. When he left for school, we were on grumpy terms, and I hate that. Just as he walked out, he said, “why are you such a douche? Can you just answer that? Why are you such a douche?” So I thought about what I’d done and what had happened, and I thought the best thing to do would be to write a 1500-word essay about why I’m such a douche.

The essay ended up being just over 1700 words and includes a bibliography. Sorry if the citations are done incorrectly. I do them OLD SCHOOL, mofos.

Why I’m Such A Douche – the essay

cenobyte
cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.

6 Comments

  1. Remembering that my experience in this is largely academic, as I’ve no offspring of the appropriate age yet: we are told the teen (as a species, uncapitalized) brain is not quite the right shape, and will not be until about age 21. This results in the teen (see prev.) having trouble with interpersonal affairs and empathy, even to the degree that in tests a picture showing a person in the throes of terror is described as “laughing.” Knowing this to be the case may help in dealing with the teen, or even The Teen, but probably only in the department of not giving into the urge to grab a hammer when dealing with same.

    Awesome essay, regardless.

    1. I have read those studies and can tell you without flinching one bit that teens are not human. They don’t smell human, they don’t sound human, and they don’t think like humans.

      It’s a wonder any of us survive to adulthood.

  2. Dear Subject A: my sympathies. Do note, however, that teen subjects may not be much better when they are all grown up and have left home; it’s just that they are elsewhere, and do not cause nearly as many problems, especially after Subject A is no longer financially responsible for them.

    Subject Z (has survived 3 teens, and 2 out of 3 financial independences).

  3. the essay is a bit too academic for use in our household. I find that threats of violence and controlled violence more to my liking :) If I havn’t already, the next time we get together for beverages, I’ll have to tell you about my dad’s “needle and thread” technique for ensuring prompt attention and focus and the “stick a fork it it, its done” method of memory retention.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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