Just because today was looking pretty good, despite the zero visibility drive home, I thought I should share with you what I came home to.
You submitted a bunch of crap to our publication. You must have thought it was a good idea for some reason, but we can’t for a single moment understand why that might have been. We’d like to maintain the image that we care about writers who aren’t already part of the literary elite, so we’re going to include this little snippet of !hopeful cheer! and !encouragement! in your (unwisely) chosen profession.
If you are interested in submitting more of your
tripe drivel schlock work, please consider doing so during our contest period, when we will be more than pleased to accept your money for entry fees.
I paraphrase, of course.
Any of the above statement may be embellished, treated liberally with hyperbole, and heavily dosed with sarcasm. But it’s still true.