You don’t want to read about our travelling and vacationing. I know this ‘for a fact’ (as The Nipper would say). So I’m only going to tell you about the things that …stick out…
Today we went to a gold mine/ghost town/tourist cash sink. They had train rides and carriage rides and a main-street shootout and trail rides. While the Family was off scouting how much train rides were and when they left and how long they were, Yours Truly went and scouted the trail rides. Half an hour for twenty-five bucks; I thought that’d be awesome!
My best friend and I used to go trail riding at least once a week in the summers when we were younger. My aunt owns a ranch, which I used to work on, and I’ve even been on a few cattle drives. I know how to ride a horse. In fact, I know how to saddle and outfit a horse, how to care for the horse, and how much it costs to *own* a horse. I also know the differences between many horse breeds and how to tell them apart at fifty paces.
So I went up to the guy and asked when the trail rides left and whether I could book one.
He said, “well, there’s a height-to-weight ratio. It goes strictly on weight.”
I said, “Okay, when do they leave?”
He looked down the end of his nose at me and said, “You ever rode a horse before?”
I said, “Yep! I’ve ridden lots!”
He leaned back against the post and said, “Like I said. There’s a height-to-weight ratio.”
I said, “Yeah?”
He said, “I don’t think I could get you up on that horse, you bein’ as short as you are.”
I stared at him.
He stared at me.
I returned to the Family and informed them that I am now, officially, Too Fat To Ride Horses.
At least I saved $25.