Eleventy Billion Years Ago

Eleventy Billion Years Ago, when the earth was still young and the rivers ran pure across the land, the people wished to live in peace, and harmony. But they were scared of everything, and realised that they had Much To Do before they could be happy. In fact, along with hunting, and gathering, and tilling the soil, they had all this other stuff that needed to be done, like fishing, and running the settlements, and coming up with creation myths.

The people began to plan things, and plot against one another, because they didn’t have time for fun, what with the making spears and tanning hides and hitting each other in the head with rocks.

But then unto those people was born a beautiful, vibrant baby girl. Also, a strange Raggedy Ann doll that introduced fear and paranoia into the world. The amazing baby girl did her best to punch Raggedy Ann in the face at every opportunity. In the creepiest of creepy things, no matter how often or how hard she was punched, Raggedy Ann never stopped smiling. It was as if Raggedy Ann knew something she wasn’t sharing with the rest of us. Creepy little thing.

Anyway, while the world is still overrun with Raggedy Ann dolls and face-eating clowns, the incredible, wickedly intelligent baby girl grew up to be the Most Important Person Ever. Named cenobyte, she would eventually be the intermediary between the centre of the universe and…well…everyone and everything in the universe.

And this is the day we all celebrate the arrival of the cenobyte.

cenobyte
cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.

16 Comments

  1. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Birthday to you!!!!!
    *hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs!!* (times ten)

    What I want to know is why did team up Raggedy Andy with Ann? What a terrible thing to do to kids.
    I used to take my Mrs. Beezley doll and whack the shit out of Ann. Seriously, true story, I’m not even going to lie.
    I had this other doll too, I forget her name..but she was awesome. Like a soft cuddly version of Laura from little house on the prarie. (Minus the buck teeth)
    I’m off to find out the doll’s name, because its driving me nuts.
    Happy days to you my friend..we have learned so much good parenting skills since the days of terrorist Raggedy Ann.

  2. I see…I totally missed your birthday this year. Well, not really since it is still your birthday but I haven’t been on facebook lately which I rely on for this sort of information about people. Maybe I should check in every so often, hey?

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You’re the bee’s knees, baby! Have the best day ever!

  3. That’s the second time Holly Hobby has come up in discussions in the past week. I kind of miss my Holly Hobby board game. It was called “Holly Hobby and the Wishing Well”, and it was all about tossing chits in the well.

  4. And is it me??..Or do you look like you are going to clock Ann?..However that club fist she has looks very much like she is going to bitch-slap you back.

    P.s. you are a very cute baby…and oddly I knew instantly it was you, even before I read it. It was the eyes that gave it away.

  5. Happy Birthday !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Wow, I must really be excited about that.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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