CFL Coaches: A Pictoral Essay

The second in the pictoral essay of CFL coaches is brought to you today by the number 7 and by the letter Q. No, there are no muppets in this webisode. Okay, well, there are muppets in *everything* cenobyte does, at the very least, in spirit. In fact, when Jim Henson died, my best friend even-tempered, long-suffering Sarah and my own self wore green and black arm bands for a fortnight. THAT was a sad day indeed.

Of course, if I were to own the Muppet Show DVDs…

…but, I digress.

So. Yesterday, we learned how to identify the coach of the British Columbia Lions.

Today, class, we will learn the distinguishing characteristics of the head coach of the Edmonton Eskimos. Now, you might think the head coach of a team called the “Eskimos” might be a guy called “Nanook” or “Tuktaluuk”, but you would be wrong. And probably a little culturally insensitive. The first way to identify the coach of this team is to first identify a multitude of Edmonton Eskimos players. They are often dressed in football uniforms; in particular, green and gold football uniforms. You can tell football uniforms by the taut little buns nestling inside, rolling around each other like ben-wa balls in a ….well. They look nice.

*ahem*

On to the topic at hand, then?
First, a word about the previous Eskimos coach: He is approximately five foot one, which, when surrounded by linebackers and tight ends (snicker), makes him look like a cabbage patch doll. But. When it’s just a picture of him, he looks just like:

Danny Macocia

Will Robinson (Danger! Danger Will Robinson!)

Strangely, now that Danny Maciocia is the General Manager of the Edmonton Eskimos, he looks more like another famous Danny:

Danny Macocia

 

danny-bonaduce-album-795858
Danny “Must I Wear Clothes” Bonaduce

But neither of these versions of Danny Maciocia (pronounced “Danny”) is the current coach of the Edmonton Eskimos. In fact, the head coach is none other than former Roughriders’ defensive co-ordinator, Richie Hall:

hall-796017
Richie Hall

file-743011
A bunch of wheat

I can’t help but love Coach Hall. I desperately wanted him to look like Shaft, but, no such luck. I do have a photo of him in which he looks a little like Morpheus (from The Matrix), but only because they’re both bald black men:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAmorpheus_2L-762300
Richie HallMorpheus

That is how to identify the Head Coach (and the General Manager) of the Edmonton Eskimos. Tomorrow, my personal favourite for look-a-likes.

Thus endeth the lesson.

cenobyte
cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.

4 Comments

  1. OMG Ceno – these are freekin GOLD!
    You are the awesomest awesome! (pronounced “awesome”)
    I’m wiping away tears of laughter.

  2. I miss Jim.

    I’m sitting here listening to ‘The Rainbow Connection’ and thinking about him.

    And while I love Richie too, I fear his time as a head coach will prove to be similar to Danny Barrett’s. Lotsa potential but never anything to show for it.

  3. “A bunch of wheat? A BUNCH of wheat?” WTF? When farm-girl wannabe u used to wipe the cenoarse with something called The Sheaf, you have no right calling a wheat bundle a bunch. Kee-ryst.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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