CFL Coaches: A Pictoral Essay

I hope you are enjoying the pictoral essay of How To Identify CFL coaches. It’s like a trapping/hunting/survivalist animal identification course, but it has less spoor.Yesterday, we learned to spot subtle differences between Yankee actors and CFL coaches, and we also learned that Saskatchewan Roughriders head coach Ken Miller used to be a CBC children’s television programme host. And that he was once very, very large.

Today, we will study the head coach of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

I’m assuming you know about the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

They, nearly single-handedly, named the Labour Day Classic re-match “The Banjo Bowl”. I think the fans out Winnipeg-ways thought it would be the ultimate insult. But, see, this is the thing with people who believe in things like magic and a team that has won the Grey Cup only twice in the past however many years the CFL has been handing them out. We know when ’tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and when to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them. And, see, we end them. Every. Time.

Now, their coach is an enigmatic, but expressive gent who goes by the name of Mike Kelly. Mike Kelly has this great scowl. And he wears these crazy sunglasses that you can’t see the arms of at the best of times. And I love watching the guy.I think during half time, he slips into the changeroom and dons a full-length black fur cassock.

This is par for the course for someone who moonlights as:

Mike_Kelly_2009_32617-717120Lloyd_fester-740593
Mike Kelly is the head coach of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.Uncle Fester is Gomez Addams’ weird electrophilic brother. Or Morticia Addams’ mother’s brother. Depending on which source you’re citing.

Sure, Uncle Fester is pretty cool, but in the long run, he’s just kind of the weird cousin of the cool guy (It), and his brother/nephew (Gomez) is infinitely more sophisticated. Um. We’re Gomez in that analogy.

Seen here in a much more jovial atmosphere, the similarity is even more striking:

mike_kelly_feature-786295Uncle-Fester-704438

I do not in any way endorse the tossing of light bulbs onto the field during play. Mike Kelly is not a circus performer. He only does the lightbulb thing at family reunions and when Winnipeg wins the Grey Cup. Since you’re not related to him and Winnipeg is not likely to win the Grey Cup any time soon, it’s probably safe to assume that you will never be privy to the light bulb trick.

Thus endeth the lesson.

cenobyte
cenobyte is a writer, editor, blogger, and super genius from Saskatchewan, Canada.

7 Comments

  1. That was quite possibly the best thing I could have read this morning. It caused me to spit granola out my nose.

    I can’t wait to see what you have in store for the rest of the league.

  2. BPM-IV, if he didn’t look so much like Uncle Fester, I would have gone with Telly Savalas. But those *sunglasses*, man. Uncle Fester all the way.

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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