Bullet Proof

Is bullet-proof glass safer than regular glass?

Consider:

Both you and the gunman are behind bullet-proof glass. The bullet-proof glass will not save you.

Consider:

You are the pope. You are being ferried around in the papamobile (which, for the record, is one of the models made of bullet-proof glass. And several mechanical bits too numerous to mention). El Papa is secure, no?

No.

What can penetrate bullet-proof glass?

Ninjas.

The Pope would be all up in his Catholic bid’niss, blessing and genuflecting all over the place, and then POW! there’d be a freaking ninja with his legs wrapped around the Pope’s neck. The wimmins would be all crying and the mens would be pounding their fists on the glass trying to save the Bishop of Rome, and that ninja with his effed up little shoes would silently snap the Holy Father’s neck and then somehow blend back into his environment and escape through the ventilation system.

And that is why bullet-proof glass is useless.

  9 comments for “Bullet Proof

  1. 14 March 2011 at 1:12 pm

    That’s only if you forget there are Catholic ninjas to counteract the other ninjas. Those Jesuits… they’re scar mofos. One could be hiding behinds you … right … NOW!

    They’d be all like ‘Taste my Jesus Fu you pajama wearin’ punk!’ and that’d be that.

    • 14 March 2011 at 1:13 pm

      Errr … scary mofos. Although scar kinda works in a word salad context …

      • 14 March 2011 at 2:11 pm

        Jesuits are NOT ninjas.

        • Mike McCall
          15 March 2011 at 12:14 am

          That’s not accurate. Not all Jesuits are ninjas, but there are Ninja Jesuits. The sub-order was instituted in 1668 to deal with the Protestant Pirate Incursions.

          Knowing this is one of the advantages of going to a Catholic school as a kid.

          • 15 March 2011 at 10:02 am

            Jesuits are NOT ninjas.

            They do not have the ridiculous shoes.

  2. Dan
    14 March 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Insert topical “Charlie Sheen Vatican Assassin Warlock” joke here.

    • 14 March 2011 at 2:12 pm

      He just wants us to use the word “VatAss”.

  3. Ernst Bitterman
    15 March 2011 at 9:36 am

    There’s also the matter of lasers. I understand they’re pretty indifferent to glass.

  4. 17 March 2011 at 8:38 pm

    Reminds me of the running joke on Upright Citizens Brigade about ninjas and “throwing star culture” corrupting the youth of America.

    “Ninjas don’t kill people. Pat Morita playing ninjas kills people.”
    “But ninjas do kill people!” (is hit with throwing star)

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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