Ask

 There’s this thing called “AMA”, which is short for both “Against Medical Advice” and “Ask Me Anything”*. I think both apply equally, 90% of the time. So, since I am in the process of trying to fixy things on my blog, I figured an “AMA” post might be kind of fun.

So go ahead! Ask Me Anything! No question too big, no question too small. Answers 100% guaranteed! No money up front! No financing charges! Now with 40% fewer beetle parts! Also, if you’d prefer a private ask-answer, I can do that (as long as I know your email address or Twitter DM).

I realize most of the people who do AMAs are, like, super famous or whatever. I also think that the purpose of social media (including blogs) is to actually increase and foster your social circle. So while I’m not famous, I do love to hear from you and think answering questions is fun.

  27 comments for “Ask

  1. 26 August 2015 at 1:11 pm

    How do you get spaghetti stains out of underwear?

    • 26 August 2015 at 1:37 pm

      I don’t. I just add some grass stains and tell folks my undies are hand-painted.

  2. 26 August 2015 at 1:15 pm

    I made Jesus shaped pancakes but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?

    • 26 August 2015 at 1:38 pm

      Yes.
      Burnt Jesus pancakes are a sign of possession.

  3. 26 August 2015 at 1:16 pm

    Does looking at a picture of the sun hurt your eyes?

    • 26 August 2015 at 1:38 pm

      Depends on how close you hold the picture to your eyeball, I guess. And whether the picture is on fire. And whether the picture is on fire on the end of an eyeball-piercing stick.

  4. 26 August 2015 at 2:25 pm

    Why?

    • 26 August 2015 at 2:33 pm

      Reasons. But usually, because why not?

  5. 26 August 2015 at 2:27 pm

    What is the best way to cook a whole badly freezer burnt chicken?

    • 26 August 2015 at 2:33 pm

      Brine it in a brine bag. It will be moist and tender and probably won’t taste like arse hair.

  6. 26 August 2015 at 2:28 pm

    Maths?

    • 26 August 2015 at 2:34 pm

      I will overlook the gross predicate negligence in that question and answer: you’ll do fine. You really will. You’ve got this one.

  7. James
    26 August 2015 at 2:29 pm

    Is AMA the most overused acronym?

    • 26 August 2015 at 2:35 pm

      “LOL” is the most overused acronym, after the acronymization of anything with “Of The United States” at the end (SCOTUS, POTUS).

      “AMA” is the 27th most overused acronym.

  8. 26 August 2015 at 2:29 pm

    When can I come over and play again?

    • 26 August 2015 at 2:35 pm

      Whenever you’d like to!

  9. 26 August 2015 at 3:13 pm

    Here you go: is it okay to buck the trends in self-publishing, and do your own thing? (Hint: I’m going to anyway, but could use some validation.)

    I DON’T write genre fiction – I don’t want to use their marketing techniques because they are not me, and are not my book (though some of my best friends are now genre-fiction writers, and I love them so!).

    The ONLY way I’m going to stand out IS to be completely different – and if I don’t stand out, since I can’t compete, I will sink like a stone.

    Just PLEASE tell me it’s okay with at least one person in the universe.

    Alicia

    PS Private answer, please!

    abehrhardt {at} gmail

    Okay, what the heck. Make it public.

    • 26 August 2015 at 6:05 pm

      Short answer for public consumption: I’m not sure there ARE any trends in self-publishing, but if there are, they are probably trends because they work. That certainly doesn’t mean you can’t set new trends! Buck away, sister!

      • DerKaptin
        26 August 2015 at 10:20 pm

        it is one of the self-mythologyzing conceits of self-publishers that they are “bucking the trend” when in fact publishing selfies ARE the trend. Just do it.

        My question is what’s the difference between a duck?

        • 26 August 2015 at 10:30 pm

          Webbed feet, of course.

          And trends usually have more than one person in them.

        • 26 August 2015 at 10:53 pm

          There is no difference between a duck; ducks are a peaceful nation.

  10. Jesse Baron
    27 August 2015 at 10:13 pm

    My job requires me to write a lot of emails, both to women and men. Lately, I have noticed that, my exclamation point : period ratio is far higher when I write to women than to men. Of course I want to be a good progressive citizen, so is this a problem? Autobiographical side-note–I got called sexist on Twitter earlier this summer and it still stings. And a follow-up: if I need to course-correct my end-punctuation habits, in which direction should I lean? More periods for women, or more exclamation points for men?

    • 28 August 2015 at 6:45 am

      Frankly, Jesse, women have enough periods. Stick with being super excited about chatting up the ladies and circumspect with the gents.

  11. 1 September 2015 at 8:21 pm

    Hello! My question has to do with Canada: So, I’ve always wondered, why are most Canadian cities abbreviated beginning with the letter ‘Y’ – YQR, YEG, YYC … ‘Y’ feels like such a boring alphabet. Do you have any insight into this quagmire that frankly keeps me up at night?

    • 1 September 2015 at 9:48 pm

      Good question! It’s because up until about 1976, Canada was referred to by Americans as “yonder”. Anytime someone says “over yonder”, they actually mean Canada!!! So, when weather stations (whence came aeroport codes) started naming themselves with two-letter codes, all Canadian stations were prefaced with a Y, for “Yonder”!

i make squee noises when you tell me stuff.

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